Dating Diva

SINGLE: not married

I am astounded at how many women fall for the “I’m separated” line repeatedly. Hullo??? *knocking on monitor* Is this thing on? Separated does not mean single, regardless of his lifestyle. All it means is two married people aren’t physically living together. If wifey wants to cause mischief, she still can and you’d caught in the crossfire. Or what if they decide to reconcile, where does that leave you? Here’s another news bulletin: Separated men often still have sex with their wives. It is you that is the other woman. That’s still his wife until the divorce decree is finalized.

Some guys will tell you they’re only separated until they have a reason to divorce. BS ALERT!! Any guy that wants freedom will sell his left testicle to get free. A man frees himself in order to be prepared properly for the right woman when she appears. This kind of prolonged completion means there’s a probablity he’s gifting you with unresolved feelings and emotional baggage. Lucky you! There ain’t nothing wrong with telling Mr. Man to holla at you when he’s free. It’s for your own self preservation. If he can’t understand or respect this decision, good chance you’ve dodged a bullet.

Ladies…lean closer…many men who’ve been separated a long time do it to keep their options open. This way he can live the single life without fully committing to another woman. Sure, he’ll get into a long term relationship but it won’t guarantee that he’ll divorce his wife for you. If he really wanted to be divorced, nothing would have stopped him long before you came along.

If he informs you he’s separated but still in the home with his wife for either the sake of the kids or the house…keep it moving. Again, anyone trying to get free won’t let those kinds of obstacles be deterrents to their personal liberation. And he can be a good father without having to live there. And their living together increases the likelihood they are still smashing hips. Old habits die hard and marital sex may be hard habit to relinquish, despite how much they may hate each other. Accessible sex in sexual comfort zone is a temptation difficult to avoid.

Do yourself a favor, deal with men who don’t have these kinds of left over legal, emotional, physical and psychological attachments of this extent.

Beware of the man who initiates new business before concluding his old business first.

Hipping you to the dating game, one post at a time,

DD

Single Mommies…please, please, please…don’t involve your kids in your dating life. The last thing kids need is a man merry-go-round; what kids require is stability, especially since it’s one parent doing the work of two. Never should there be a rush to introduce a new man into their lives. If your child is in need of a father figure, there are alternatives like trusted male(s) family member(s) as a mentor(s), Cub/Boy Scouts, Boys and Girls Club and Big Brothers. Until that man has proven his worth, don’t put your kids at risk by introducing them to someone YOU don’t know well. As the adage goes, “Discretion is the better part of valor” and in desperation or eagerness to develop a relationship, this is forgotten. If there’s a babysitting issue, you’ve no choice but to be patient. Don’t allow your desire for companionship over-ride common sense.

The main reason I insist on women slowing down with the sexual dating merry go round is because women don’t realize that sex clouds our judgment. This discovery is usually made a day last and a dollar short, figuratively speaking. The act of sex is intrinsically tied to our feelings as women. Think about all the women you know, have known or heard about who’ve been over-tolerant of disrespectful and abusive behavior…all because he knows how to handle his biz in bed. Please know that some men count on this, using their peenie skills as blinders to their faults.

Ultimately, if sex is decided upon despite my maternal warnings, be aware that you’re not in a relationship just because you’ve chosen to have relations. Dude may be the only one you’re humping but don’t make the mistake of believing you’re the only one in his line-up. Men don’t see sex the way we do, therefore dealing with a man from a woman’s (emotional) standpoint is an error in judgment. For men, sex isn’t more than a physical release, right up there with dropping the kiddies off at the pool or the relief after a good, long hard tinkle. Unless he states it clearly, there is no emotional investment made just from the ding-a-ling alone, so assume there is.

Yesterday, I introduced women serial dating. I have to clarify some things before assumptions take place. Dating more than one man at a time doesn’t mean a woman should sleep with most or all or any of them. Dating and sexing aren’t synonymous. We’ve forgotten that dating is the art of getting to know someone. It’s a woman’s chance to gather intel to compare all her options. I know some women can’t wrap their minds around abstinence, partially in fear a man or men will lose interest if there aren’t humpations. It goes without saying there are men who’ll disappear into the dating witness protection program at the thought of no nookie. Look at this way, a bullet’s been dodged. It leaves room for the man or men truly interested and don’t need the lure of sex. I know the concept is unacceptable to some women. If it works for you, I can’t knock it. Undeniably, men want sex but we (sometimes) forget the journey can be as enjoyable and pleasurable as the destination.

Respectfully let the men know you have other interests so they can make an informed decision if they want to keep dating you or not. Because men understand (really OVERstand) the concept of serial dating, unless dude is looking for a wife right now, most men will stick around (that competitive nature of theirs). Secure men don’t mind knowing other men are attracted to you. Managing a rotation decreases your chances of appearing desperate; you have a life and not waiting on Prince Charming to save you. You aren’t choosing the first man available to you. Heavens, we spend more time comparison shopping for shoes than we do for men! Multi-dating offers intelligibility; you aren’t wrapped up–especially sexually–in one man, blinding yourself to his defects (for the sake of keeping him) that wreak havoc later on.

Last but most importantly, it’s ok dating a man for the sole purpose of having fun. Every man you date won’t be marriage or even relationship material. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy his company as long as you can for what its worth!

Ciao,

DD

DATE: A social engagement between two persons

I want to speak to my fellow chickies a moment about dating. I promise I’ll get to straightening out the men later (and I’m open to content suggestions too). Let’s get things in order first with us. Dating a fellow doesn’t equate relationship. The two words have been improperly interchanged for too long. It’s because women have been conditioned by various societal sources to date one man at a time, thus equating dating with relationship in our minds. Ladies, we have to stop that and start getting our swagger on. No more mono-dating. I’m talking about rotating 2, 3 even 5 guys at a time. Make your social planner so full, your bedroom looks like the squad room from ‘Law & Order’, using a cork board with pics and stats to keep them straight. And you can do this all without strapping a mattress to your back. Stick with me and I’ll run it down to you.

Laters,

DD